From: Hollywood Squares

[flyboy65]

> If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may
> bring a smile to your face and tears to your eyes from laughing. These 
> great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" 
> game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted,
> as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "If you hold their little heads under water long enough".
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
> you be?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: "Three days of steady drinking should do it".
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
>
> A. George Gobel: "Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes".
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or
> a woman?
>
> A. Don Knotts: "That's what's been keeping me awake".
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
> think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
> married?
>
> A. Rose Marie: "No; wait until morning".
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: "My sense of decency".
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
>
> A. Vincent Price: "No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty".
>
> Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
>
> A. George Gobel: "I don't know, but it's coming from the next
> apartment".
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
> hands while talking?
>
> A. Rose Marie: "You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll
> give you a gesture you' ll never forget".
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily".
>
> Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
> get any during the first year?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: Nah, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>
> A. Rose Marie: "Ralph, the pin boy".
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
> camps. One is politics, what is the other?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Tape measures".
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
>
> A. Rose Marie: "Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom".
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: "Only after lights out".
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
> goose do?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Make him bark"?
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Whatever it is, it won't be afraid of the dark".
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
> the habit of kissing a lot of people?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: "It got me out of the army".
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected".
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
> what was he trying to do?
>
> A. George Gobel: "Get it in his mouth".
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
>
> A. Paul Lynde: "Who told you about my elephant"?
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: "I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him".
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
> has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
>
> A. Charley Weaver: "His feet".
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
> bed?
>
> A. Paul Lynde:  "Point and laugh".

[MNLakeDiver]

thanks for a good laugh. of course now my coworkers now have 1 more piece of evedance that I'm a little unstable  :

[flyboy65]

I really try not to repeat jokes I read...but Paul Lynde was an absolute HOOT!  I kinda miss that show!